


Colors of You

by FairyHeart0207



Series: Colors of You [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Binhwan - Freeform, ColorsOfYou, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, M/M, Romantic Angst, Slice of Life, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-11 07:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20542283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyHeart0207/pseuds/FairyHeart0207
Summary: Colorblindness -  a unexplainable condition that some people have.Kim Hanbin, the famous singer and music producer, suddenly found himself in a black and white world. His monochromatic world however suddenly took an unexpected turn when he meets Kim Jinhwan -  a cheerful man who holds a lot of secret.





	1. Hypnotizing Blue

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

The cab honked twice and Hanbin bitterly stared at the retreating car. He felt sick to his stomach. His gaze shifted to a big building before him and oh how he hated it already. His manager and mother insisted on coming with him but he refused. He didn’t want to see the look of pity on their eyes.

He sighed deeply and adjusted the grip on his luggage before proceeding to enter the building.

He pushed open the door and looked at his surroundings. The place was decorated in a modern minimalistic way. There were people in the lobby to which he assumes to be patients of the establishment.

**“Ah I’m sorry. What color is this form again? It said in the paper to bring the blue one but..”** He heard someone say as he passed by.

He suddenly felt light-headed. He was beginning to sweat profusely. **“Sir, are you okay?”** A person dressed as a nurse approached him and tapped his shoulder.

He was about to answer when he felt it. His stomach doubled over and he vomited at the nurse’s feet.

* * *

He groggily opened his eyes and attempted to sit up. **“Sir, I don’t think it’s wise to stand up now.” **A nurse was immediately by his side and tried to push him back on the bed.

He shook his head and insisted to sit up. **“What happened?”**

**“You fainted in the lobby and vomited on Nurse Leslie here.”** A young man gestured to the nurse standing beside him. He gave the nurse an apologetic look. **“Not to worry, some people have the same reaction as you. Though we would have preferred it if you didn’t make a mess.”**

Hanbin rubbed his temple**. “Who are you?”**

**“Ah. My name is Kim Donghyuk, Dr. Kim as what many would call me. I am the resident doctor here. So what’s the famous Kim Hanbin doing at this kind of establishment?”**

He glowered at the young doctor. Why was he, the famous singer and music producer Kim Hanbin, here? Simple: He became colorblind.

Color by definition is a character possessed by a certain object as a result of the way the object reflects light. It is used to describe things, giving them life and importance. To many it is but an unnoticeable aspect in their lives, to some it is but a far dream.

So when Hanbin started seeing everything in black and white, his world turned upside down. His then colorful life became blank. Once the media got a hold of his condition, he lost it. They were ruthless and unforgiving. He started having panic attacks and because of this he couldn’t work properly anymore. He locked himself in his home, away from everyone.

It wasn’t until he heard his mother beg and cry outside his door that he accepted his fate and contacted his manager to ask for possible treatments.

Every day was exhausting for Hanbin. The first few visits at the doctor, he was hopeful. He refused to give in to the pressure media was placing on him. But soon he felt dejected. No one can explain to him how it manifested. At the end of every appointment they could only tell him one thing they know for certain – there is no known cure for it.

One evening, as he was about to head to bed, a pamphlet caught his eyes.

> ** _‘Pain is inevitable. Suffering is OPTIONAL.’_ **

He flipped it and read the contents.

Colourful Institute of Seoul, or most commonly known as CIS, specializes in helping people with a colorblind condition. The pamphlet contained minimal description. It mostly just encourages people to take an interest and visit the institute as per the attached picture.

_‘Oh what the heck.’_ He sent a message to his manager to look into it. He promised his mother that he would exhaust his options.

This was the last option. So here he was.

**“Right back at you. Why is the young famous doctor working here in CIS?”** Hanbin replied. He has heard of this famous doctor known to be the youngest to ever pass the Physical Licensure Exam.

Donghyuk chuckled and placed his hands behind his back. **“Wow I feel honored that you know about me. Contrary to what many people think, I am working here out of my own free will. I know what they say about me outside of these walls. – that I’m a waste here and it’s such a pity that I chose to be here. I’m here because I want to help and I understand what you’re going through.”**

Hanbin scoffed. **“Same old shit doctors tell their patients.”**

Dr. Kim’s face suddenly turned serious. **“I think its best you see Dr. Lee first. She’s our resident psychiatrist by the way. Have a good day Mr. Kim.” **The young doctor turned to leave.

**“Yeah yeah understand my ass. I bet he says that to all his patients.”** Hanbin said out loud.

**“It may not be in my place to say but he’s only trying to help. Give him a chance. Dr. Kim certainly knows what he’s doing.”** Nurse Leslie said.

**“Oh yeah and why is that? Because he is a doctor? That’s bullshit.”**

**“Because out of all us, he knows your condition best. His father died when he was still very young. He then later found out that it was due to the stress his father’s body underwent because of colorblindness. And now his mother has it. He’s been studying about it all his life.”**

Hanbin suddenly felt bad for lashing out on the doctor.

**“Dong Dong! Nurse Kyle said-“ **A man dressed in Hawaiian floweret shirt suddenly barged in the room with a very cheery voice. He stopped mid-sentence as he looked at Hanbin with awe.

“**Blue.” ** He said as he slowly approached Hanbin and reached out to touch the latter’s face.

He smiled as he continued to stare at Hanbin. _‘What a pretty shade of blue.’_ He thought as his face drew closer and closer. **“Beautiful.”**

**“What are you doing?”** Hanbin asked as he firmly grabbed the young man’s wrist, his face mere inches away.

The man went rigid and his eyes grew big. **“I… uh… I’m so sorry. I have to go.”** He pulled his wrists away and ran out of the room.

“**Who was that?”** Hanbin asked.

**“That was Jinhwan. Our longest.. patient here.”** The nurse replied.

Suddenly he was curious.

It was the first time a man approached Hanbin like that and he had to admit, he too was mesmerized by Jinhwan’s handsome face. But who exactly was he?

What did he see?

He mentioned the color blue.

Could he be someone who could help him?

He had so many questions and he had to play his cards right if he wanted answers. It’s not like he was in a hurry anyway. He’ll have them one way or another. **“Looks like I’ll be staying for a while Nurse Leslie.”**


	2. Yellow Fireflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

Jinhwan ran from the room and hid at the nearest wall. His heart pounding loudly against his chest and he could feel the heat rising to his face. _‘The hell!’_ He cursed at himself for being so reckless.

He couldn’t help it. It was the most beautiful shade of blue he has ever seen.

He peeked a little and was shocked when Hanbin was looking his way. He quickly withdrew and ran to Dr. Kim’s office, away from Hanbin’s piercing gaze.

_‘Odd. Why were there tiny sparks of yellow around him?’_ he thought.

* * *

**“What?! Can you repeat that?”**

Donghyuk scoffed. **“Mr. Kim, you are here because of your color blindness… not because you’re deaf.”**

Dr. Lee gave Donghyuk a hard stare and the young male doctor only shrugged. **“You must have misunderstood us Mr. Kim.”**

Hanbin shook his head.** “But the pamphlet said-“**

**“The pamphlet said we specialize in helping people with color blindness. We never mentioned anything about a treatment. There is none.”** Dr. Lee Hayi was the resident psychiatrist in the institute. She works alongside Dr. Kim and the rest of the nurses.

**“Wow you guys sure are misleading. Your pamphlet is all about helping people like me but how exactly are you helping when you’re not treating anyone?”** Hanbin crossed his arms and continues to shake his head in disbelief.

Hayi exhaled a deep breath. Hanbin was not the first person she had to explain this to. It doesn’t mean though that it gets any less hard breaking the news to a very hopeful person. **“It may seem hard to believe but there are lots of ways to help people who share the same symptoms as you.”**

**“People choose what they want to believe. Some truths are harder to accept. You only have two choices: accept it and try your goddamn best to be better or be a pompous dick who’ll make everyone’s life here miserable.”** Donghyuk blatantly said to which earned another hard stare by Hayi. He hated men like Hanbin. They were cocky, self-centered, entitled bastards - not all but most of them.

If only Hanbin didn’t know about why Donghyuk was working in the institute, he would have bashed the guy’s face already. Donghyuk was right though. The pamphlet never mentioned anything about a treatment. So what was he supposed to do here? He slumped back in his chair and stared at the ceiling.

It’s never easy talking with a patient and Hayi wished she could provide them more. She signaled for Donghyuk to leave. He nodded and quietly left the room. **“Look I’m going to cross the line here and call you by your name Hanbin. I’m here for a reason. We try to help people understand their situation. We give them therapies, be it physical or emotional, and we accommodate for any treatment recommendation made by the patient themselves. You see this institute doesn’t follow the books. We go way and over what is impossible and it’s up to you how you take it.”**

Hanbin continued to stare at the ceiling unmoving. His last hope turned out to be a bust and he suddenly felt exhausted. She startled him as her face suddenly loomed over his. **“I want to show you something. Can I?”** she said with a ghostly smile on her face. She walked towards the door and Hanbin sat up.

**“Sure. It’s not like I have anything to lose anymore.”** He then followed Hayi out.

* * *

She breathed in deeply and hummed as the fresh air invaded her lungs. **“Isn’t this nice?”**

Hanbin was leaning against the big trunk of a tree, shading himself. His nose scrunched as the sun was visible everywhere. He’s never been one to go out willingly when the sun is out. He was mostly locked up in his studio making music and would go home at dawn. So watching Hayi have her arms spread wide open under the mid afternoon sun was very new to him.

She looked over her shoulder and motioned for him to come. **“C’mon! What are you doing there?”**

He pushed himself off the trunk and stood a few feet behind her, still under the shade. **“Is this what you wanted to show me? The view of the lake?”**

**“Have you ever heard of Koo Junhoe?”** she asked.

**“Yea! He’s that painter prodigy! I am a big fan of his. I have a few of his works at my home. Such a shame he retired early.”**

**“He was great wasn’t he? Have you seen him?”**

Hanbin nodded. **“I went to an opening of one of his Art Galleries. We haven’t been introduced properly but I did see him there. Handsome man.”**

**“He is isn’t he? His paintings were one of a kind.”**

**“What’s that got to-“**

**“Dr. Lee!”** a voice called out from behind them. Hanbin squinted at the approaching figure while the doctor waved furiously. **“I didn’t expect to see you here!” **the man put down his things and stood before them.

**“I was just showing the new guy around.”**

The man nodded and with a big smile on his face, extended his hand towards Hanbin. **“Hi new guy I’m-“**

**“Koo Junhoe.”** Hanbin stood frozen. He can’t believe it! Koo Junhoe was right in front of him. Hayi nudged Hanbin and he hurriedly took Junhoe’s hand, shaking it fast. He then let go still awed by the man before him.

Ju-ne smiled shyly and scratched his head. **“I don’t go by that name anymore. You can call me Ju-ne. You are?”**

**“Ah! Sorry my-.. My name is Kim Hanbin.”**

**“Oh! You’re that producer! So you’re my Hyung! Nice! Nice! I gotta say I am a fan of your music.”**

Hanbin’s heart almost dropped. “**Th-thank you very much.”**

**“Well don’t let us keep you! I still have a lot to show him. I’ll see you tomorrow for our session Jun.”** Hayi motioned to Ju-ne’s things.

Ju-ne smiled and bowed.** “As always Doc! Anyway, it was nice meeting you Hanbin-Hyung. I guess I’ll be seeing you around.”** He grabbed his things and walked towards the edge of the lake. He carefully set up his canvass stand, placed a blank canvass and took out his paint brushes and breathed deeply.

It took a while before it sinked in and when it did, Hanbin gasped and turned to Hayi. **“Wait… was that Koo Junhoe? It was him right? What was he doing-…. Oh.”**

“**Before news broke out, he announced his retirement and went off the grid. He came to us some few years ago having the same condition as you. You should have seen him back then. He was.. a lost cause. But look at him now. To the outside world, he’s out there enjoying his life. In CIS, he has a found a home. You have to know Hanbin.. Some people have it worse than you**.”

Ju-ne stared at the blank canvass before him, his hand suspended in the air.

Hanbin’s chest felt heavy as he continued to watch him. He can’t begin to imagine what Ju-ne must be feeling all these years. Hanbin wanted to talk more with the man and ask him questions.

_Was he going to paint?_

_Will he be able to do it?_

_How did he overcome this?_

_What are his current plans?_

_How’s he feeling?_

He was about to approach the painter when Hayi held his arm back.

**“JUUUUUUU-NNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! What you working on? And why are you blue??! Who made you sad? Who am I going to fight?”** Jinhwan asked, hopping around the young painter, jabbing his fist in the air.

Ju-ne smiled. **“Hyung you’re going to get dizzy. Suggest me a theme?”**

**“Hmm..”** Jinhwan stopped hopping and placed a finger on his temple, thinking hard. Just when he was about to say something, a yellow - very much like the light fireflies give off - caught his eye. He followed the tiny sparks and softly gasped when his eyes landed on Hanbin.

Jinhwan’s eyes widened and quickly turned to Ju-ne. _‘What’s he doing here?!’_ he thought as he was reminded of the scene he caused earlier. He felt his body getting warmer and wanted to hide. _‘Why do I keep embarrassing myself??’_

Hanbin was surprised to see a skipping Jinhwan approaching Ju-ne. He momentarily forgot about what happened that morning but seeing Jinhwan made him remember. It amused him how Jinhwan quickly averted his gaze and was suddenly fussing over Ju-ne, trying to ignore his presence. He was reminded of the fairy in the movie Neverland, Tinkerbell if he wasn’t mistaken, and how greatly Jinhwan somehow resembled her.

Hayi suggested they go back inside and Hanbin faintly nodded. He silently followed her – half-listening and half-distracted. He glanced back and was pleased when he caught Jinhwan already looking at him. He tipped his head to the side and gave Jinhwan a smile before catching up to Dr. Lee.

_‘Let’s meet again soon, Cute Fairy.’_

* * *

“Hyung you feeling okay?” Ju-ne asked.

“Huh? Ah yeah yeah! I just… saw a few pretty fireflies.” Jinhwan continued to stare at Hanbins back. He’s always been able to see just solid colors but why is he seeing different shades now? Why is this happening? More importantly, _why is his heart beating so fast whenever Hanbin is around?_


	3. Heart of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

Jinhwan hid behind the wall watching Hanbin at the lobby.

**“Oppa, what exactly are we looking for?”** A 7-year old girl named Siti was behind Jinhwan, watching Hanbin too.

He pat Siti’s head and looked at the girl. **“Well.. We are looking for something extraordinary. Like not normal.”**

**“But he’s gone!”**

**“What??”** Jinhwan looked back to where Hanbin sat and indeed he was gone. He moved his head from left to right looking for any signs of Hanbin.

**“Who are you looking for?”** a voice whispered in Jinhwan’s ear.

**“What the….. fruity fart?”** Jinhwan loudly exclaimed, startling Siti beside him. He looked behind him and pretended to laugh.

Hanbin had his arms crossed on his chest and had a smirk on his face. **“Fruity fart? I’m amazed you even managed to think that.”**

Jinhwan awkwardly smiled and held Siti’s back. **“If you’ve been here long enough you’d know how to do these things.”**

Hanbin crouched and smiled at Siti who was hiding behind Jinhwan’s leg. **“Hi! I’m Hanbin! What’s your name?”**

**“Siti.”** The little girl softly replied.

**“Hey Siti. You know I have a little sister just like you. I hope you get to meet her someday. She also likes the color pink.”** Hanbin nodded at Siti’s frilly dress.

The little girl giggled. She looked at Jinhwan and when she saw him nod, she went in front of Jinhwan. **“A friend?”**

Hanbin smiled again. **“Yes a friend. One day I’ll introduce you so I hope I can be your friend too.”** Siti nodded and he gently ruffled the top of her head. **“So what were you and _Jinhwan-Oppa_ talking about?”**

**"Something extr-"**

Jinhwan instantly clamped Siti’s mouth with his hand. **“Nothing. Siti my darling, why don’t you play with the other kids. Adults have to talk now. Go on, Nurse Kyle is waiting for you.”**

Siti nodded and ran towards the nurse. **"Bye Bye Oppa!"**

Jinhwan watched Siti run to the awaiting nurse, waving at them. He waved back before turning back to a smirking Hanbin. **“You’re sly. Befriending a kid to get information? Sir that’s extortion.”**

Hanbin took a step towards Jinhwan and he was glad to see the look of panic apparent on Jinhwans face. He took another step and Jinhwan started backing up. It only took a few steps before Jinhwans back hit the wall. **“Might as well ask directly rather than playing hide and seek and involving a kid in the process.”**

Jinhwan kept his gaze to the lobbys reception area. **“For your information, I was playing with her. It had nothing to do with you.”**

Hanbin bowed his head so that they were eye level. “**So these past few weeks you weren’t stalking me?”**

**“NO!”** Jinhwan whipped his head to look at Hanbin and quickly regretted it. Hanbin’s face was so near and watching him this close is making his heart go berserk. He quickly covered his eyes with his hands from embarrassment.

**“Why don’t you look at me? Am I ugly? Do I disgust you?”**

**“You’re beautiful….”** Jinhwan blurted out and immediately bit his lip from saying anything further. _‘God why must this happen to me right now?! Why must you test me like this? Why can’t I keep my mouth shut around this guy??!’_

Hanbin paused. Him? Beautiful? **THUMP.** He gently held Jinhwan’s wrists. **“You’re free to look. I don’t mind… if it’s you.”**

**THUMP. **

**THUMP.**

**THUMP.**

Jinhwan swallowed the lump in his throat and slowly uncovered his eyes. He lifted his gaze and found Hanbin looking at him straight in the eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was the loud beating of his heart or Hanbin’s but at that moment time seemed to have stopped.

_‘Beautiful.’_ He suddenly closed his eyes once more. **”I’m sorry I really can’t look at you right now. You’re too bright and sparkly!”**

Hanbin’s brow furrowed. **“Bright? Sparkly?”**

**“Yes bright and sparkly! Like shining… golden. I’m sorry. I want to talk to you, truly I do. I just can’t see very well. Can you please back up a bit?”** Jinhwan said.

Hanbin chuckled and took a step back, his hand still holding Jinhwan’s wrists. **“Is this better?” **Jinhwan opened one eye and nodded. Hanbin shook his head and tugged Jinhwan to him. **“Come on let’s talk at the cafeteria.”**

* * *

**“Seriously?”** Hanbin asked in disbelief.

Jinhwan adjusted his sunglasses as he sat cross-legged across Hanbin, grateful for the heavy tint. **“Yes. I told you, you’re too bright.”**

**“Right. So what’s with all this stalking you’ve been doing? And don’t act coy now. I’ve noticed all this time. My eyes automatically follow you.”** Hanbin went straight to the point.

Dr. Lee had invited him over to stay in CIS for a month as a trial period, guaranteed that he will involve himself with their programs. And he agreed. His mindset changed completely after he met with Junhoe. What could possibility go wrong, right?

And in the three weeks that he has spent in CIS, he noticed Jinhwan following him. It can’t be a coincidence that he sees Jinhwan in every place he went to not that he minded. In fact he made sure to be visible so that he was easily found.

If Jinhwan was following him, he also did research on his own. He started adjusting to his new life here and has become friends with a few of the institute’s staff.

Jinhwan felt he was blushing. He didn’t know if Hanbin’s just too honest or he’s just too honest and the more Hanbin knows, the brighter he gets. Thank heavens Hanbin couldn’t see colors. **“Well, I’ve heard you’ve been asking about me too. Let’s call it even.”**

**“Right again. So… what did you mean that I was bright?” **

**“I’m sure you’ve heard from others that I see colors yes?”** when Jinhwan saw Hanbin nod, he continued **“It’s not really colors. I see people auras. The color changes depending on their mood or how they feel and when I see colors, I feel them. Other than auras, I’m still very much a colorblind person. It’s just pure solid colors. With you….”**

**“With you it’s different. I see different shades of a certain color. Its.. Beautiful. I could stare at you.. err… I meant the colors all day.” **

Hanbin’s brow raised and he smirked. This is getting interesting by the minute. The moment he thought that his questions were answered, more questions arise. He was not bored at all… not at all. **“You can stare at me all you want. I don’t mind.”**

Jinhwan clicked his tongue, annoyed at the smirking man and exhaled deeply. **“Has anybody ever told you you’re a big flirt?”**

**“Would you believe me if I told you, no one has ever piqued my interest.. Until you? I try to avoid people as much as possible because in the entertainment industry, people use people. So I limit my interactions with them. It’s the first time I’ve taken an interest to someone.”** Hanbin said unabashed.

**“But I’m a guy.”**

Hanbin leaned his elbows on the table and tipped his head to the side.** “So? Liking someone doesn’t have to have gender. If I like you, I like you.”**

**“You’re a very honest guy.”** Jinhwan paused. If Hanbin was going to be this honest with him, he might as well do the same. **“I find you intriguing as well. You show me different colors. It’s refreshing.”**

**“What color am I now?”**

**“Gold – sparkly, bright gold.”** Jinhwan waved his hand around outlining Hanbin’s form.

**“And that means?”**

Jinhwan bit his lip. **“Curiosity. You’re curious about things, the more you know the brighter it is. And… friendship. I only see your gold when… you look at me.”** He whispered the latter part, not sure if it was even the right to mention it.

**“Would you like to see more?” **

**“What?”** Jinhwan was startled by the question.

Hanbin extended his hand. **“Colors. We can be friends? Maybe you’ll see more colors if you get to know me more.”**

Jinhwan stared at his hand. No harm right? He reluctantly shook Hanbin’s hand. **“Okay. We should start over then. I’m Jinhwan.”**

**“Hanbin. I’ll be in your care from now on, my fairy.”** He smiled before kissing the back of Jinhwan’s hand.

And Jinhwan suddenly forget how to breathe.

They can be friends... right?

Is heart can handle this... right?


	4. Ominous Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

To say that Hanbin and Jinhwan became friends was an understatement. The two became inseparable ever since that day rather it was more like wherever Jinhwan is, Hanbin usually follows. It made the institute a bit lively as on some days you’d hear the two bickering and joking around. It’s been a few months since.

Jinhwan though was facing a dilemma. The more that he’s spending time with Hanbin, the more he’s close to having a heart attack. He sighed as he sees an approaching Hanbin waving at him. He needed to relax.. _‘Fuck why is my heart beating fast again?’_

**“Jinani good morning!”** Hanbin placed an arm over Jinhwan’s shoulder and it took Jinhwan every ounce of his strength not to melt on the floor.

Jinhwan clicked his tongue and gave Hanbin a playful glare. **“You’re bright again.”**

Hanbin gave him a cheeky grin. **“That’s because I saw you.”**

** _THUMP._ **

** _THUMP._ **

** _THUMP._ **

Jinhwan was about to retort when a nurse suddenly appeared at his side and whispered something in his ear. His smile instantly fell. **“Excuse me. I have to go.”** That was all he said before leaving a confused Hanbin.

* * *

He leaned against the big trunk of a tree, watching from a distance. It is possible to feel sad over someone who didn’t really care much about him? No matter. He was here now anyway.

The crowd gathered in a circle and Jinhwan searched for one familiar face. He was surprised to see that she was already looking at him. His eyes softened and he gave her a weak smile_. ‘She’s doing well I see.’_ This was more than enough for him, to know that she is healthy and well. He gave her a curt nod before leaving, ignoring the woman’s worried face.

**“ACK!”** Jinhwan exclaimed as a sharp pain shoot up his head.

**“Whats wrong Hyung?”** Yunhyeong, Jinhwans childhood friend, was instantly by his side, worry etched on his face.

Jinhwan shook his head**. “Nothing. This purple is just giving me a migraine. Let’s go before somebody sees us Yun.”**

* * *

The next time Hanbin saw Jinhwan was a few days after at the lobby. Jinhwan was dressed in all black formal suit with his hair semi-brushed up. An older man was bowing before Jinhwan then left.

Jinhwan sighed and ruffled his hair. He loosened his tie and his shouldered slumped forward. He was exhausted - mentally and physically. _'For someone he didn't care about, he sure left a few loose ends.'_ he thought as he stretched his head from side to side.

**“Jinhwan!”** Hanbin called out.

Jinhwan looked at the familiar voice. _'Not now.'_ He gave Hanbin a weak smile before walking in the opposite direction.

_‘What the hell happened?’_

* * *

Hanbin woke up in the middle of the night and almost jumped when he saw someone standing by his window. He rubbed his eyes and squinted to see who it was. He smiled as he realized the familiar figure of a cute fairy. Jinhwan was just standing there and looking out the window with a blank expression on his face. **“Jinani?”**

Jinhwan jumped. “**Oh god did I wake you?”** He pulled the blanket closer to his shoulders as the chilly air brushed past him.

Hanbin shook his head. **“Are you okay?”**

**“I just.. I wanted to be near someone I’m familiar with. Sorry I came in without your permission.”** Jinhwan bit his lip and looked down.

The younger felt a stab in his heart. How can someone so good be this broken? **“Hey.”** When Jinhwan looked up, Hanbin pat the side of the bed that was unoccupied. **“Come here.”**

Jinhwan dragged his feet towards the bed and sat on the edge. He yelped when Hanbin grabbed his waist so that he was lying next to the shirtless younger man. He was about to protest when he suddenly felt Hanbin’s hand on his head.

_Pat. Pat. Pat._

**“It’s okay. You can cry. I’m here.”**

That’s it. That’s all it took for everything to come crumbling down. Jinhwan’s tears started falling. His stifled cries became loud sobs as he buried his face on Hanbin’s chest. He only said one word **“Purple…. Purple.. purple.”**

Hanbin hardened his jaw and cooed Jinhwan to calm down. It hurt him to see Jinhwan like this. If he could, he’d take away all the pain just to see Jinhwan’s beautiful smile. His fairy.. His l-… He chuckled to himself as the realization hit him. _‘Aaah so that’s what is was.’_

He was a bit lost on his thought that he didn’t notice Jinhwan breathing evenly on his chest. Jinhwan finally stopped crying and was now sleeping soundly. Hanbin kissed the top of Jinhwan’s forehead before leaning his cheek against Jinhwan’s head, the warm human blanket next to him lulling him to sleep.

_‘Next time.’_ He’d have to have a proper talk with Jinhwan next time.

* * *

**BANG!**

Both Jinhwan and Hanbin jumped at the loud bang of the door.

**“Ah so this is where you were.”** Dr. Kim said.

Jinhwan looked to the side and saw a sleepy Hanbin beside him. He gasped as events from last night flashed in his mind. _‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’_ He quickly gathered his blanket before running out of the room.

**“Jinani! Hey! Wait!”** Hanbin was about to follow him out but Dr. Kim blocked his path.

**“Stop yapping. You have a physical check-up with me. Let’s not waste time shall we?”** Donghyuk annoyingly said and turned to walk to his office.

Hanbin looked to where Jinhwan disappeared to, torn between who to follow first. Knowing however how he was not on good terms with Dr. Kim, he deeply sighed and followed the doctor in his office. He wouldn’t want to spark the young doctor’s ire.

He closed the door as soon as he arrived and sat across Donghyuk.

**“Any pain?”** Donghyuk asked, not looking up from the chart.

**“No.”**

**“Any physical problems?”**

**“No.”**

**“Any complaints?”**

**“No.”**

Donghyuk scribbled furiously before closing the chart and finally looking up. **“Okay you may go.”**

Hanbin frowned. Was this how physical examinations are? **“That’s it?”**

Donghyuk leaned back on his chair calmly. **“Yeah. You don’t have any physical problems so we are done. Do you need me to coddle you and suck up to you? Tell me Mr. Kim.”**

Hanbin hung his head low and sighed. These past few days all he’s been mostly doing is sighing. When he looked up, he gave Donghyuk a weak smile. **“I’m sorry. You are right. I was a self-centered prick when we first met. I’m truly sorry.”**

Donghyuk clicked his tongue and groaned. **“Why do you have to say sorry after all this time? It’s so much easier hating you… but thank you for apologizing. People will only understand what they want to understand and I just don’t have enough patience to deal with idiots. By the way what changed? I see you hanging around with Jinani a lot these past months.”**

**“I met Jun-e.”**

Dong made an ah-sound and nodded**. “Hayi-Noona went in with the big guns eh?”**

Hanbin nodded. **“Honestly I’m glad she did. I would have been a full-on asshole to everyone if I hadn’t met him. Being here…. Certainly changed how I look at things.”**

**“You’re a good guy Mr. Kim. I wish there were a lot more like you.”**

**“Please call me Hanbin.”** Hanbin stood up and extended a hand towards Donghyuk as a sign of good will.

Donghyuk smiled and stood up as well. He took the offered hand and shook it. **“Call me Dong. It still feels awkward when elder people call me Doctor. See you around Hanbin-hyung!”**

Hnabin chuckled and nodded. **“Let me treat you with chicken and beer next time yeah?” **he was about to leave the room when he suddenly remembered last night. **“Hey Dong, what does purple mean?”**

**“The color? Isn’t it a mixture or red and blue?”**

**“I meant what does the color purple mean to Jinhwan?"**

Donghyuk paused. He can’t count how many times he has seen Jinhwan lose himself with that color. He exhaled a breath before sadly replying **“Death. To Jinhwan, Purple is death.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How are you all doing? Thank you for taking the time to read COLORS. I would love it if you can give me feedback on how is the story so far. I know we are all in a very fragile state, but I want you to know that should you ever need someone to talk to I am here. 
> 
> You can reach me at:  
CC : http://curiouscat.me/iKONStan07  
Twitter : @fairyheart0207


	5. Icy Turquoise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

The next day Hanbin walked in the cafeteria with the children forming a circle around Jinhwan. He was handing out candies to them with a big smile on his face. He noticed Hanbin and waved at him.

Hanbin wanted to wring Jinhwan’s neck. How in god’s name is he all smiled when just yesterday he was bawling his eyes out? He approached them with a smile. **“Hello kids! What a good morning!!”**

**“Hyung!”**

**“Oppa!”**

Hanbin chuckled at the simultaneous greeting. He ruffled their hairs then turned to Jinhwan with a serious look on his face. **“We need to talk.”**

Jinhwan sighed and nodded. **“I figured you wouldn’t let it go.” **He then turned to the kids and clapped his hands together. **“Okay candy time is over! Now go play! The nurses are already giving me an evil eye!”** The kids giggle and started to run off to play. **“And be careful! Ah Jeez..”** Jinhwan then heard a small cough behind him and sighed again. **“Let’s go talk by the lake yeah?”**

He led the way, Hanbin following closely behind.

The walk towards the lake was quiet. Jinhwan kept his gaze on the clear glistening water and Hanbin kept his eyes on Jinhwan the whole time. When they reached the big tree, Jinhwan stopped. He turned to Hanbin, who froze in his tracks, and said **“Will you hear my story Kim Hanbin?”**

Hanbin’s breath caught in his throat. Jinhwan looked ethereal to him with the sun behind them making Jinhwan glow. He could only nod, not trusting his voice.

**“This institute was built by my father for my mother. You see my mother was colorblind and the first ever patient here in CIS. She got involved with things here and devoted her time to help people with the same condition as her. She was..”** Jinhwan looked down and gulped as tears threatened to fall down his eyes.

**“She was beautiful and smart. She was perfect. Everything was going perfect.. until me. Her health started deteriorating when she was pregnant with me and it only got worse after she gave birth. To be honest most of my memories of her were all in the hospital or here in CIS. Eventually her heart gave out when I was 3 years old.”**

Jinhwan paused. He took a rock and threw it in the lake, watching it skip in the water. **“Her death didn’t sit well with my father so… he exiled me here. I grew up with doctors, nurses and nannies. They then realized however that I was colorblind too and so I became the second patient here. My father never set foot once in CIS. He said it reminded him too much of the woman he loved and the son he wished they didn’t have. He hasn’t even seen me for... I don’t know anymore. So growing up I made it a mission to do whatever I can to make CIS survive, never asking for anyone’s help especially my fathers. To the outside world, it’s as if I don’t exist because he never talks about me and to me… he’s just a man who I share the same family name with.”**

He released a long breath. **“He died a few days ago. It was all over the news.”**

Hanbin thought for a moment and became confused. **“The one who died recently was the president of KIM Group.. THE Kim Group. But he didn’t have a so-..”** Hanbin’s eyes bulged out and he gasped. **“SHIT! I’m sorry Jinhwan.”**

Jinhwan looked at Hanbin and sadly smiled. **“It’s okay. I told you.. I don’t exist in the outside world. Just the way things are.”**

Hanbin was about to give Jinhwan a hug when someone suddenly tackled Jinhwan to the ground.

**“Naniiiiiiiiii! I have missed youuuuuu!!”**

**“JIWONIE?”** Jinhwan looked surprised as a man, who had a wide smile on his face, rubbed his cheeks on him. **“What are you doing here?!”**

The man stopped rubbing their cheeks together and gave Jinhwan a glare. **“Ya! I missed you so I came here to see how you’re doing. You can’t even send me a text message after all this time!”**

Jinhwan rolled his eyes but quickly chuckled. **“I missed you too!”**

The man wrapped his arms around Jinhwan’s neck and gave him a long kiss on the cheek.

Hanbin was livid. He stood there watching this… scene before him and he went livid. His Jinhwan was on the ground with a genuine smile on his face and this man giving him kisses when he hasn’t even-- He calmed himself down by taking deep breaths. _‘This is just a friend. Should be just a friend. A friend.’_ He repeated in his head before coughing loudly to get their attention.

**“Oh!”** Jinhwan was suddenly on his feet, trying to pry the man’s arms away from him.

The man glared at Hanbin and placed an arm around Jinhwans shoulders. **“Who’s he?”**

Jinhwan instantly felt the tension in the air and awkwardly laughed. **“Ah.. Jiwon this is Kim Hanbin. Hanbin this is Jiwon.”**

**“Bobby. You can call me that. Jiwon is reserved for Jinhwan only.”** Jiwon said, pulling Jinhwan closer to him.

Hanbin’s stare hardened even more_. ‘Keep your cool.’_ **“That’s fine. Call me B.I then. Hanbin is for…”** His eyes darted to Jinhwan, who averted his gaze. **“Special people only.”**

Jinhwan suddenly felt the heat rising to his cheeks. He refuses to look Hanbin in the eye, afraid of what he may see. He already caught a glimpse of Hanbin’s stare earlier and he doesn’t really know what to make out of it. All he wants to make sure right now is that he doesn’t get the wrong idea about Jiwon.

It might be too late though as Jiwon was suddenly dragging him back towards the institute,. **“Cmon Nani.. We have a lot to catch up on.”**

**“Wait... Hanbin I-..”** Jinhwan protested but he couldn’t budge from Jiwon’s grip on his waist. The next words he heard however gripped his heart.

**“It’s fine. Go.”** Hanbin said monotonously.

A chill suddenly went up his spine and he suddenly felt cold. Jinhwan open and closed his mouth but no words came out. It’s as if something prevented him from talking and Jinhwan could only stare. The color he’s seeing on Hanbin now is new to Jinhwan. He felt empty. Apathetic. Indifferent.

Hanbin just stared at them, fists clenched, as Jiwon dragged Jinhwan back.

Turquoise.

Hanbin was turquoise.

Icy cold turquoise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets all keep hanging on okay?  
Until we walk the flowery road again <3
> 
> You can reach me at:  
CC : http://curiouscat.me/iKONStan07  
Twitter : @fairyheart0207


	6. Shattering Envy Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

_“So I hear you like Jinhwan.”_

_Hanbin looked to the side annoyed. He didn’t deny nor agree because he has learned at a young age that sometimes it’s best to keep silent but he really wanted to punch a certain individual._

_Jiwon was leaning against the doorframe of Hanbin’s room with a lollipop on his mouth. He chuckled at Hanbin’s cold stare. “You shouldn’t blame him for ignoring you.”_

_“Why are you here?” Hanbin asked._

_Jiwon shrugged. “I’m here because someone I care about is stressing over why some dumb guy is ignoring him. You see Jinhwan is an oblivious person. He’s very kind to a fault. He mentioned about seeing colors with you and those colors are very new to him so he is now even in a more confused state.” He walked towards Hanbin and stopped a few inches away. “I don’t like you and I’m sure the feeling is mutual. I don’t like it even more that Jinhwan is involved with you. If you really like him, try and get him from me.”_

_* * *_

_“If you really like him, try and get him from me.”_

Ever since Jiwon cornered him that day, his words kept ringing in Hanbin’s ear. He was close to going crazy. It even feels like timing isn’t on his side at all because the moment he tries to do tell Jinhwan about his feelings, something just comes up that makes him miss his chance. Three more times. If by the third time he can't get through Jinhwan, Hanbin decided to just give up.

* * *

_First._

He greeted Jinhwan in the cafeteria hall. His heart instantly melted at the happy expression Jinhwan gave him.

**“Hanbinnie! Hi! Come sit, sit!”** Jinhwan patted the chair beside him. **“You know I was beginning to think you hate me.”** He then pouted, not looking at Hanbin.

**THUMP.**

**THUMP.**

**THUMP.**

Hanbin shook his head and placed a hand atop Jinhwan’s which made the latter blush. **“I could never hate you. I just have a lot on my mind lately. I’m sorry.”**

Jinhwan suddenly had a worried look on his face and was pouting some more. **“Are you okay? You know you can talk to me.”**

Dear God Hanbin wanted to pull Jinhwan and kiss him senseless. It warmed his heart that Jinhwan was worried for him and how perfect it would be but he would still need to have a proper talk with him first. He was about to suggest talking somewhere private when a loud voice interrupted them.

**“NANI! THERE YOU ARE!”** Jiwon’s shout echoed in the hall. He was waving while making his way towards them. Jinhwan instantly withdrew his hand from beneath Hanbin’s and Hanbin wished he could just make Jiwon disappear.

Jiwon sat at their table and when he was met with an awkward silence, he smiled triumphantly. **“Well isn’t this a nice morning!”**

**“What are YOU doing here?”** Hanbin gritted his teeth.

**“I didn’t come here to talk to you.”** Jiwon didn’t even look in Hanbin’s direction but instead was lovingly looking at Jinhwan. **“I came to get you. You have an appointment with Hayi?”**

Jinhwan gasped. **“Was that today? Omo! Oh god I totally forgot!!”**

**“That’s okay. Cmon its time.”** Jiwon assured Jinhwan as he stood up, waiting for Jinhwan to do the same.

**“I’m sorry Binnie. We should catch up soon okay? I have to go!”** Jinhwan apologetically smiled and nodded in Jiwon’s direction. Before they were out of sight, Jiwon made sure to intertwine their hands together and mouthing _‘LOSER’_ in Hanbin’s direction.

* * *

_Second._

Hanbin felt nervous has he waited for Jinhwan in the lobby. He and Jinhwan were going to watch the opera tonight. He has been planning this day since the last week and knowing that they could be alone together made him feel giddy.

**“Binnie! Did you wait long?”** Jinhwan appeared in his semi-formal attire. **“Do I look okay?”** He twirled and Hanbin just smiled.

From a distance Jiwon watched them with intense concentration. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and saw Donghyuk. **“What’s up with those two?”**

Donghyuk glanced over to where Jinhwan was and shrugged his shoulder. **“Isn’t it obvious? As you already know, Hanbin really likes Jinhwan.. One can even say enamored.”**

**“And Jinhwan?”**

**“Ah.. Our cute fairy is still oblivious but he is interested. Hayi-Noona said that the colors are drawing him in but he doesn’t know how to approach Hanbin. Actually they have been very cute these past months.” **Jiwon smirked and Donghyuk suddenly got worried. **“What are you planning?”**

Jiwon clicked his tongue and gave Donghyuk a side-glance. **“Nothing much. I just want to find out how much he likes Jinhwan. Because if he wants to be with Jinani, he has to have a strong heart. Does he even know?”** Donghyuk shook his head and Jiwon smiled. **“Let’s have some fun!”**

He approached the couple as they were about to leave. He took something out from his back pocket and firmly called out Jinhwan’s name. **“Jinhwan.”**

Jinhwan looked at him worried. Jiwon only ever calls his full name when there was something serious going on. **“What is it?”**

Jiwon waved an envelope with an S on it. **“I forgot to give you this.”**

**“You can get it from Jiwon’s room when we come back right?”** Hanbin tried to hide his irritation and Jiwon was simply being Jiwon.

**“Suit yourself. We both know you can’t concentrate tonight knowing I have this. Sorry I didn’t know you had plans and she said to give it to you when it was quiet.”**

Jinhwan remained silent. After a few silent minutes, he turned to Hanbin again with an apologetic smile. **“I’m sorry Bin. Jiwon is right. I won’t be able to concentrate tonight. Can we rain check? Please? That letter is important to me. I’m really sorry.”** Jinhwan almost sounded like he was pleading.

**“Hey if it’s important then we go another time. Don’t worry about it.”** Hanbin said, careful not to show Jinhwan his disappointment. Jinhwan silently approached Jiwon, carefully taking the letter, before disappearing from their view.

Hanbin sent Jiwon a death glare before harshly shoving the tickets on Jiwon’s chest. **“Happy now prick?”** He left to follow wherever Jinhwan went.

**“Hey Dong guess what? We got free opera tickets tonight!”** Jiwon smiled arrogantly and waved the tickets to Donghyuk.

Donghyuk just shook his head. **“You can be such an asshole sometimes.”**

* * *

Hanbin found Jinhwan by the garden. His Jinhwan looked like he was crying and his heart ached watching him. It wasn’t really his business to ask and he figured Jinhwan would tell him if he wanted to so he just watched him from afar, making sure he was okay.

When Jinhwan however lovingly caressed the envelope then gently kissed it, Hanbin felt defeated. Just how much more does he have to endure just to love Jinhwan?

* * *

_Third._

**“Jinani! Let’s have lunch toge-“** Hanbin suddenly clenched his fists as there was Jiwon, shirtless with a towel hanging dangerously below his hips, drying his hair.

He stood there like a god chiseled with perfect abs and body. Jiwon turned to Hanbin and smirked. He knows he’s gonna get smacked for what he’s about to do but this was just too interesting to pass. **“Oh hey. Jinhwans in the bathroom.”**

**“Didn’t know you shared a room.”** Hanbin grinded his teeth together and tried to keep calm. Kim Jiwon was a man he seriously hates.

Just then Jinhwan came out of the bathroom, all dressed but his hair was damp – with how they were, anyone can assume that both had a bath together. **“Jiwonie are you all dr-.. HA- HA- HANBIN?”**

Jiwon just chuckled and taunted Hanbin **“Oh we share a lot of things... We used to former lovers as well. This is nothing.”**

That was the last straw. With just a few steps, Jinhwan was in between the two men and firmly told Jiwon **“Next room. Let’s talk. NOW.”** It wasn’t a request. He left the room first, ignoring Hanbin.

Jiwon pulled a shirt over his head before chuckling. He whispered something to Hanbin’s ear, which made the latter’s brow furrow, before following to where Jinhwan is. He exhaled a breath before entering the room. A mad Jinhwan was not something he encounters everyday but when it happens, well let’s just say he won’t come out of it unscathed… well maybe this time he will.

Jinhwan had his arms crossed over his chest and when he looked up, Jiwon shivered and thought ‘_It’s a good thing I donned a short then.’ _

**_“_WHAT.THE.FUCK.WAS.THAT?”** Jinhwan emphasized each word and Jiwon could only wince.

**“Nothing! I was testing his limits.”** Jiwon calmly said. It was no use lying.

Jinhwan chuckled sarcastically and paced around the room until he faced Jiwon again, his back facing the door. **“What the hell is wrong with you? Testing his limits? Is he lab rat? What has he ever done to you Kim Jiwon?!”**

**“What’s gotten you all so riled up? You know me, I just.. do things. What’s the big deal??”**

**“This is driving me crazy! This.. This.. I’ve been holding my feelings for these past weeks but.. This is just too FUCKING GREEN! I don’t like how it makes me feel but.. I can’t stop looking at it.”** Jinhwan placed his hands on his waist.

**“Green?”** Jiwon knows he’s going to be begging for forgiveness for using Jinhwan like this but he had to do this.

Jinhwan put his hands up in his frustration. **“Yes green! I see green whenever I look at Hanbin and it frustrates me because I only ever see it when you’re there! So you must be connected to all of this GREEN! Its like.. jealousy?? I don't know! I just.. I don't-.. I mean why would he even be jealous?? I-.. Its making me feel like shit! Like… God I don’t know anymore. What if he gets the wrong idea between us? I-.. This is all too overwhelming. ”**

**“It shouldn’t be a big deal? I did the same thing to Ju-ne. It’s all just for fun Hyung. Why should it matter now?”**

**“Because-“** The older exhaled a breath and look up the ceiling as if the answers were there. **“I like him.”** He whispered the last part like it was a sin to even mention it.

_‘I’m sorry Hyung but just a little more.'_ Jiwon secretly smiled. **“Sorry what did you say? I couldn’t hear you very well.”**

**“I SAID I LIKE HANBIN.”**

**“You like me?” **

And in that moment, Jinhwan wanted to jump out of the window as Hanbin’s familiar voice radiated inside the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want you to know that you are not alone.  
We will wait.  
No matter what.
> 
> If you ever need someone to talk to, You can reach me at:  
CC : http://curiouscat.me/iKONStan07  
Twitter : @fairyheart0207


	7. Dodgy Warm Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

Jinhwan froze. He looked at a very smug Jiwon and closed his eyes. **“Please tell me Hanbin isn’t behind me.”**

**“Hanbin isn’t behind you.”** Jiwon replied which earned a glare with Jinhwan. He chuckled before whispering at Jinhwan,s ear. **“You can scold me later.. as much as you want but I’m not going to be sorry how things turned out like this. Good luck and please..”** He grabbed Jinhwan by the shoulder and turned Jinhwan around so that the older was facing Hanbin. **“Just this once be honest to yourself.”**

Jiwon was making his way out of the room when Hanbin held his arm.

**“Thank you.”** Hanbin said.

**“I didn’t do it for you. This is just the first step, good luck trying to make him confess his real feelings.”** Jiwon nodded and Hanbin released him.

Hanbin watched as Jiwon left, then turned his attention to the now panicked Jinhwan. **“You like me huh?”**

One step forward.

**“You go- got it all wr- wrong. I meant you know… as a f- friend!”** Jinhwan stepped back and kept his gaze down.

Another step.

**“Why are you stuttering though? You seem nervous.”** came the deep reply of Hanbin.

Hanbin's deep voice sent chills down Jinhwans spine. He took another step back and cursed a million times as his back hit the solid wall. He sucked in his breath when he felt Hanbin place his arms on both sides of the wall, trapping him. **“I.. I just..”**

Hanbin chuckled softly. **“Out of curiosity, what color do you see now?”**

**“Nothing! Black and white!”** The older quickly lied and closed his eyes. His legs almost became jelly when he felt Hanbin’s soft lips tickling his ear.

**"Lies."**

**"FINE! ITS RED OKAY!"** Jinhwan blurted out, hoping Hanbin would leave him alone. To his horror, it only made Hanbin come closer, his heat radiating off his body. _‘FUCK FUCK FUCK’_ Jinhwan swore that he’s going to make sure Jiwon pays for this.

Hanbin inhaled deeply, his body feeling giddy and warm. **“And how does red feel?”**

**“What?”** The question made Jinhwan look up and boy did he regret it. Hanbin was staring at him intently… his eyes burning with want? Jinhwan felt warm, super warm. He blinked as his vision was filled with red.

**“How does my red feel to you?”** Hanbin asked again. His face was dangerously close to Jinhwan and he fought the smirk creeping up his lips, afraid it might scare the older. He will not miss this chance. Jinhwan bit his lip and began to shake his head. **“If you tell me, I’ll let you go.”**

**“Really?”** Jinhwan's eyes bulged and looked relieved.

Hanbin nodded. **“Say it.”**

Jinhwan open and closed his mouth hesitantly. He could clearly hear Hanbin's accelerated heartbeat. Wait was it Hanbin's? or his?_‘What’s this? Why is my chest feeling warm? Love?’ _he thought as the red was getting stronger by the second.

**“Say it.”** Hanbin whispered, tempted to nuzzle his cheek against Jinhwan’s head.

**“Re-red… means l- lo-.. Your red means love. Can I please go now?”** Jinhwan nervously replied.

**“Hmm. That’s right. My red means love. And wanna know something else? I lied.”** Hanbin grabbed Jinhwans waist, pressing their bodies together. He bit his lip from groaning at how perfect Jinhwan fit in his arms. How soft. When Jinhwan gasped, Hanbin smirked before crashing his lips deeply against Jinhwans.

As soon as their lips touched, Jinhwans eyes closed and his body immediately melted against Hanbin and deeply sighed. A low moan escaping his lips. His hands unknowingly crept up and cupped Hanbin’s neck, bringing the younger closer. The kiss was light like butterfly wings, painstakingly slow. It was a kiss both didn’t know they longed for -- a kiss they both needed.

One of Hanbins hand found Jinhwans nape and he pressed his lips even more. He ever so slowly moved his head to the side to have a better taste of his fairy’s sweet soft lips. He groaned when he felt Jinhwan responding to his kiss and not in a fast, rough pace – it was a slow, sensual, firm kiss. A kiss that’s plainly pouring out all their unsure frustrated feelings. A kiss full of love.

When Hanbin slowly pulled away, Jinhwan felt the loss of warmth. He opened his eyes and saw Hanbin smiling warmly at him. He touched his warm lips and his eyes bulged out, realizing what just happened. He then slowly pushed the younger away and was shaking his head vigorously. **“No… no.. I..I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”** He shoved Hanbin backwards before running out of the room.

Hanbin stared at his hands, not liking how it’s not warm and soft anymore. He went out of the room and was staring blankly to where Jinhwan ran.

**“Are you not following him?”** Jiwon was leaning against the hallway opposite the room.

Hanbin placed his hands inside his pocket and shook his head. **“Knowing Jinhwan he’s freaking out by now. So I’ll give him space. I don’t want to push my luck.”**

Jiwon nodded. **“Fair enough. Got your answer?”**

**“Why are you helping me? Well not me specifically. You said you did it for Jinhwan.”**

**“The fairy likes you although he is afraid to acknowledge it. You’re a guy. He’s a guy. Why would you like him, right? But I don’t judge. You can’t help who you fall in love with.”** Jiwons gaze left Hanbin’s and was somewhere far.

Hanbin followed his gaze and saw Donghyuk talking with one of the nurses. **“Dr. Kim huh?”**

Jiwon bitterly smiled and exhaled a breath. **“I don’t want him to be like me. Of all the years I have known Jinhwan, he has never ever spoke out his true feelings and today as what you saw he almost bit my head off. He likes you and you obviously like him. Jinhwan deserves to be happy and I’d do anything to give it to him. So please… don’t hurt him because if you do, I’ll break every bone in your body.”**

Hanbin held his hands up in defense. **“I won’t hurt him.”** He then stared at an empty hallway and sighed. He so badly wanted to go after Jinhwan but he could end up destroying something that hasn’t even begun yet.

He inwardly chuckled to himself at how it took him so long to realize. 

Now, how can he convince Jinhwan to give this a shot?

How can he explain how perfect they feel together?

Or that he’s so madly in love with him? 

**“I just hope he doesn’t run away from this.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Let's take it slow and let's last for a long time." -Kim Hanbin
> 
> CC : http://curiouscat.me/iKONStan07  
Twitter : @fairyheart0207


	8. Pure Pink Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.  
This chapter also contains sexual scenes so please feel free to skip if you feel uncomfortable!

Hanbin encircled his arms around Jinhwan and back hugged him tight. He knows that the second he loosens his embrace, his cute fairy will run away again. He felt Jinhwan jump at the contact but thankfully the older didn’t struggle. When Hanbin felt Jinhwan relax and lean on him, he placed his head on Jinhwan’s neck and nuzzled his cheek.

**“Hanbin I-..”**

**“Sshh.. let’s enjoy this for a while yeah?”** Hanbin said and they both fell silent as they continued to watch the alternate twinkling of the lights on the Christmas tree. Hanbin can’t remember the last time he felt so contented in his life. When he realized this, he suddenly got scared. He held Jinhwan tighter and the older looked at Hanbin from the side with questioning eyes.

**"I’ve fallen in love with you. I don’t know when or how.. All I know is every day I just fall deeper and deeper in love with you. This may sound so cheesy but I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy that it scares me because I want this so much. I want you.”** Hanbin exhaled a deep breath and released his hug and turned Jinhwan to face him**. “I’m not pressuring you or anything okay? I just wanted you to know how I feel.”**

Jinhwan bit the insides of his cheek and stared at Hanbin for a long time. He had not expected this full blown confession tonight although he had planned on speaking with him about what had happened. He just needed time to think hence his hide-and-seek with Hanbin these couple of weeks and to his surprise the younger gave him space. He didn’t like it.. not because he wanted to be ran after, no… he didn’t like it because he has greatly missed Hanbin during that time which made him decide to speak with the man.

**“Please say something?”** Hanbin nervously smiled as he tried to calm his fidgety hands. They say silence is golden but that’s a lot of bullshit. Jinhwan’s silence was like a big empty truck that just gets heavier by the second despite being empty. He was slightly relieved when Jinhwan smiled back.

**“IF you like me... does that mean you’re attracted to men now? Like is it possible that you’ll like someone other than me?” **

Hanbin was taken aback by the question. Of all the questions he thought Jinhwan would ask, he didn’t quite expect his. He blinked a few times before shaking his head. **“Impossible. I’m not attracted to men. I’m only attracted to you.”**

Jinhwan looked confused. **“But I’m a man?”**

**“No. You’re not just any man. You’re you. You’re m-…”** _’Mine.’_ Hanbin bit his tongue. **“You can list down every question or doubts that you have and I- I’ll answer them all.”**

**“But I don’t have any doubts.. just a few questions. Your colors never lie. I mean… we haven’t known each other long and stuff… “**

**“Are you saying I’m not sure of my feelings?”**

Jinhwan’s looked down and after a few minutes he replied **“I might hurt you.”**

Hanbin cupped Jinhwan’s face and forced him to look up. **“And who’s to say I won’t hurt you? Hey… were not perfect humans. We will hurt each other, we will disappoint each other and we won’t see eye to eye all the time but that doesn’t mean we won’t try? Look I’m not expecting a reply tonight. No matter how long it takes, I will wait. Whatever your decision is, I will accept it. If by any chance you want this as much I do, I promise I won’t let go of your hand. Just please think about this. US. Don’t run away.”**

**“No.”**

**“No?”** Hanbin’s heart dropped. Was he being rejected on the spot? Was this it? He honestly didn’t know how to react.

Jinhwan suddenly chuckled. He took hold of Hanbin’s cardigan and pulled him closer. **“I meant no you don’t have to wait because I think… I love you too.” **When Hanbin didn’t reply, Jinhwan started regretting his words and he began to let go only to be suddenly pulled into a tight hug.

**“God I’m so happy right now. I was prepared to get rejected.”**

Jinhwan smiled and buried his face in Hanbin’s chest, inhaling his scent. **“I love your smell.”**

Hanbin halted. **“Hey you.. I’m trying to show you my intentions and you saying that… makes it hard for me to not want to kiss you senseless.”**

**“Then why don’t you?”**

**“What?”** Hanbin was having a hard time concentrating when Jinhwan’s warm soft body was pressed against his.

Jinhwan looked up and bit his lip. **“Kiss me senseless. You’re not the only one holding back you know.”**

Hanbin gulped and clenched his jaw. Good fucking lord. He suddenly pulled away and tugged Jinhwan’s hand, dragging him inside, skipping through hallways until they reached Hanbin’s room. He pushed Jinhwan inside and made sure to lock the door. He immediately was all over Jinhwan, kissing him urgently while his fingers fumbled over the older’s shirt buttons. The older melted against Hanbin’s kisses as it grew more intense, but a thought suddenly bugged his mind. He gently pushed Hanbin’s chest, pulling away from the kiss. **“Wait.. wait.”**

**“What is it?”**

Jinhwan bit his lip. **“Have you been with anyone before? Because this is all very new to me.”**

Hanbin turned serious and intertwined their hands together. **“I have been in a relationship yes but we never reached this point. You are my first, my one and only and probably my last. I’ve never felt THIS want or..or NEED with anyone.”**

If Jinhwan was an actual volcano, he’d have erupted by how hot his face became. Hanbin’s bluntness was something hell never get used to. **“Me too. It may sound crazy but you’re my first in everything.”**

**“You don’t know how turned on I am right now hearing you say that.” **

**“I might have an idea.”** Jinhwan smirked as his hand _accidentally_ brushed against Hanbin’s hard erection bulging tightly in his pants. The younger groaned and pulled Jinhwan closer, devouring his lips again and popping the button on Jinhwan’s pants, pulling it down before pushing him on the bed.

He looked down on Jinhwan sprawled on his bed, face flushed. His body getting more excited as the thought of hearing Jinhwan scream his name later. But his wants would have to be much much later. Right now he just wants to pleasure the older until he too was yearning for him. He hovered his body over his lover, his forearms resting on both sides of Jinhwan’s face, and teasingly leaned in for a kiss.

Jinhwan propped himself up on his elbows and closed his eyes as Hanbin trailed soft kisses from his neck down to his flat stomach. Hanbin rubbed the older’s cock outside his briefs and he glanced up to see Jinhwan biting his lip, eyes closed. He continued to rub him down, feeling turned on just by looking. When Jinhwan opened his eyes, his cock jolted as Hanbin was starting at him intensely. His ragged breathing filled the room as his eyes were glazed with want.

**“I don’t know what to do.”** Jinhwan bit his lip and looked away.

Hanbin went closer to Jinhwan’s face and kissed his forehead. “**I don’t know either but… we can take this slow. I’m in no rush.”**

**“Can we switch? I-I want to explore you too.” **

Hanbin leaned to give him a kiss before slowly switching their position so that Jinhwan was now straddling him. He slowly pulled away and licked Jinhwan’s lips briefly before taking off his shirt and leaning back on the pillows.

Jinhwan looked at his body with awe and lust. He lightly traced over that Nihilism tattoo and the younger gasped at the touch. Jinhwan leaned over and planted light kisses on the tattoo and when he felt Hanbin’s cock twitch behind his ass, he continued to plant light kisses down his well-toned abs. He paused and played with the skin just above Hanbin’s pants, making the younger groan. He traced the tattoo on Hanbin’s waist – every visible letter carefully but frowned when it got cut off.

Hanbin chuckled at his lover’s cuteness and helped him out. **“Baby do you wanna see my family?” **

**“Family?”** Jinhwan frowned some more.

He fumbled for his pants as Jinhwan moved back to give him space, eyeing each move Hanbin makes with utmost interest. Hanbin was pleased at the soft gasp Jinhwan made. He was fully naked before him and his cock bounced into attention at the older’s hungry stare. He motioned for Jinhwan to take off his briefs and shirt as he laid back down on the pillows, his legs spread open with a full thick erect cock.

Jinhwan blushed as he quickly discarded the rest of his clothes and went to sit in between Hanbin’s leg. **“Like father, like son. Like master, like man. For my family. That’s a nice family you got there.” **Jinhwan eyeing the younger’s cock. He then traced the remaining letters and lingered on the letter Y which stopped near the base of Hanbin’s shaft.

Hanbin released a shaky breath and Jinhwan smiled at him innocently. The older then kissed on the tattoo as his tongue slowly ran across the letters. Jinhwan held Hanbin’s gaze the whole time and the younger just licked his lips. A deep moan escaped him when Jinhwan sucked longer on that letter Y and ran is hand on Hanbin’s length. Hanbin’s mouth formed an _O_ as Jinhwan suddenly put Hanbin’s head inside his mouth, slightly sucking to taste. The younger threw his head back as a wave of pleasure hit him.

He did not forestall the sudden attack as Jinhwan pushed his cock further, his length slowly disappearing and into the soft pink lips of his lover. His hips buckled forward as his hand was now on Jinhwan’s head, slightly pushing it down and when the older began bobbing his head up and down, Hanbin’s toes curled.

Jinhwan darted out his tongue swirling it as he moved up and down Hanbin’s length even making sure to suck on the head from time to time, giving extra attention at the area just below the head. He must be doing the right thing because Hanbin’s moans became louder and louder.

**“JIN.. BABY… FUCK.. WAIT WAIT..”** Hanbin was suddenly making Jinhwan sit up, releasing his cock with a pop. As much as he wanted it to let Jinhwan keep sucking his cock, he wanted to make sure that the older gets all the pleasure first.

**“Was I not doing it right?”** Jinhwan looked confused and disappointed. When Hanbin urged him to move forward, he position Jinhwan so that he was straddling him. He was about to lean in for a kiss when Jinhwan covered his mouth. **“But… I just sucked you down there.. Its-“ **The older’s protest were ignored as Hanbin uncovered his mouth and kissed him deeply.

**“You were doing mighty fucking amazing Baby but if you kept it up… Look I want you to cum first. I want to feel my cock inside you. I want to feel the insides of your body trembling for me.” **

And again Jinhwan was left speechless and flustered. He felt his erect cock twitch at what Hanbin just said and he could only nod. Jinhwan moved back and Hanbin winced when Jinhwan’s ass hit his cock but he quickly assured him that it was just because it was aching for release. Jinhwan lifted his ass on the air as one hand positioned Hanbin glistening cock at his hole and his other hand slightly at the opening.

A soft whimper escaped Jinhwan’s slightly open mouth as he slowly guided Hanbin’s warm hard cock inside him. Hanbin’s sweat dripped from his forehead and his brow furrowed at he felt his cock being engulfed into that warm hole. He gripped the flesh on Jinhwan’s waist tightly as he watched the older, eyes closed, slowly sliding down his length. He groaned as Jinhwan adjusted himself, trying to get comfortable straddling him. It took every ounce of his strength not to just push everything in and grind his hips to the older. He promised that they would take it slow.

It took a few minutes for Jinhwan to adjust. Hanbin was thick. Even he was surprised that thickness fit down there. When he began to slow move his hips, he gasped at the way Hanbin’s cock grazed the walls of his ass. The sensation gave him goose bumps. He moved again and this time with a little more force.

Hanbin loudly grunted as he refrained himself from lifting his hips. He just gripped Jinhwan’s outer thigh urging the older to do more. Jinhwan then gripped Hanbin’s shoulder to steady himself. He leaned closer, planting a kiss on Hanbin’s lips before slowly thrusting forward, grinding their hips together. The younger groaned raveling the soft tongue of which the older darted out.

Jinhwan pulled back along with a string of their mixed saliva. He planted another chaste kiss on Hanbin’s lips before staring into his eyes, giving him a loving smile. **“I love you Hanbin.”**

Is it possible to love someone this much? Because as Jinhwan said those words, a warm feeling bursts in Hanbin chest – a feeling he has not experience before. **“And I love you”** he replied softly as he captured Jinhwan’s lips again. He held Jinhwan’s nape and firmly pressed their lips together, kissing him hungrily but slowly. He smirked into the kiss as he felt the older gently stroking his own cock, the head gently slapping against his stomach. **“Ride me Baby.”**

**“Ride with me.”** A short raspy reply was enough permission for Hanbin. He was going to do this slow.. so slow that Jinhwan would go crazy and beg for more. He lifted Jinhwan’s hips and slowly slid him back down as he thrusts deeper. As he was slowly thrusting into that tight warm hole over and over, Jinhwan slightly leaned back, moaning and stroking his own cock. The more Hanbin pushed, the more his cock twitched and became harder. **“Please…”** his hips moving in sync to meet Hanbin’s thrusts, the younger’s pre-cum making it easier to slide up and down his length.

**“Ha-Hanbin… OH GOD.”** Jinhwan bit down his finger to mask his loud cry. Everything just feels too good. This pace of their love-making was excruciatingly slow but it felt too damn good. It’s making him feel every thrust, every move, and every twitch. He let out another loud moan as he felt Hanbin’s tip throbbing against his walls. His strokes became faster and his grip tighter as an unknown feeling was building up at the pit of his stomach. **“I-.. OH FUCK.. HANBIN.. I.. I-I’M CU-“** Jinhwan didn’t even get to finish his sentence as his eyes rolled upward from pleasure and his release came, spilling his semi-transparent thick cum all over Hanbin’s stomach. **“Bin I’m sorry I-“**

Jinhwan yelped when Hanbin suddenly laid him on his back, cock still inside his ass hole, and his legs spread open. **“You’re mine Jinhwan.” **Hanbin’s deep voice along with a deep thrust made Jinhwan grip the sheets as his back arched forward. Hanbin leaned forward and whispered into the older’s ear **“I love you Baby.” **He gave one last deep grinding push as he pressed his thumb on Jinhwan’s head. Hanbin groaned as his body slightly shook, filling Jinhwan every last drop of his cum. Jinhwan beneath him threw his head back as his body gave in to his second release.

Hanbin leaned his forehead against Jinhwan’s, both gasping for air. He kissed Jinhwan’s nose before pulling out, his seed continuously dripping from the older’s hole. He stood up and Jinhwan whimpered, still eyes closed, at the loss of his body warmth. **“I’m here baby.”** He quickly grabbed the roll of tissue and went back to the bed, cleaning them both up and Jinhwan just lay there still on cloud nine. Hanbin planted a kiss on his forehead and snuggle back next to his now lover.

**“Pink.. Hmmm so warm.” **

**“Which means?”** Hanbin’s questions was met by Jinhwan’s even breathing. He smiled and hugged his cute fairy closer. His eyes getting heavier, his question now forgotten.

And Hanbin might never know what pink really means but to Jinhwan pink may be one of the most important colors he has ever seen. Because pink to him is love in its purest form.


	9. Heartbreaking Orange Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

Everything happened so fast.

When Jinhwan suddenly fainted the first time in the middle of the day, Hanbin was not around. As soon as he heard, he ran as fast as he could. **“Jin-“**

**“Bin! Hi!”** Jinhwan was waving at him, beaming.

Hanbin was instantly beside him, patting his body – checking for anything. **“Are you okay? Where does it hurt? What happened?”**

**“Binnie..”** Hanbin stilled as Jinhwan poked his furrowed brows, his face full of worry. **“I am fine. I’m just overworked. I just need a little rest okay? Good thing Jiwonie was there!”**

**“I caught him just before his head hit the ground.”** Jiwon replied.

**“Thanks Hyung! And you..**” Hanbin looked at Jinhwan **“You’re not allowed to go anywhere without me okay? God I was so scared.”** He hugged Jinhwan and released a sigh of relief.

Jinhwan was thankful because Hanbin didn’t notice the sad smile he and Jiwon exchanged.

* * *

**“Ya! You're getting worse!”**

**“I- I am okay.”**

Jiwon threw him a dirty glare. **“NO you are not. Nani he has to know.”**

Jinhwan shook his head. **“No! He’s hurting because of me!! His orange is so dull and… lifeless. If he knows.. If he knows he’ll stop his life and spend it taking care of me..”**

**“And what’s so wrong with that? Aren’t you being selfish deciding this on your own? Whatever he chooses to do, thats on him. Besides it’s too late. The guy will move heaven and earth for you. The least you could do is tell him.”**

**“I’m scared Jiwonie.”** Came the whispered reply of the older.

Jiwon sighed and patted Jinhwan's head. **“Whatever decision you make, you’ll still end up doing the same ending. Would you rather spend it happy or full of regrets? If you can't do it then ask Hayi to do it. Hanbin deserves to know."**

Unbeknownst to the two, Hanbin was standing outside the room with his hands clenched.

* * *

After the second quarter of the year, Jinhwan’s health took a turn for the worse.

Blood. There was blood everywhere. Hanbin frantically searched for Jinhwan, only to find him face flat on the sink with more blood splattered. He shouted for help at the top of his lungs as he carried Jinhwan out of the room.

Nurses were all over them, bringing a stretch bed and checking Jinhwan’s vitals. When one of the new nurses offered to take Jinhwan, Hanbin snarled. It wasn’t until Nurse Leslie’s hand on his arm that he carefully laid his lover to the bed.

**“We will inform Dr. Dong right away. We’ll do everything we can Hanbin-ah.”**

* * *

Hanbin felt a dull poke against his thigh and looked up to see a concerned Jiwon. **“Jiwon-hyung.”** he and Hanbin have grown closer over the last couple of months. They found out that they actually have a lot in common so they’ve been hanging out more.

Jiwon crouched and sat beside Hanbin on the floor. **“Have you eaten?”**

**“I-..”** Hanbin looked down at his bloody hands from yesterday morning and shook his head.

**“Slept even? Like proper sleep?”**

Hanbin again shook his head. **“Short naps.”**

**"C’mon let’s eat and get you clean.”** Jiwon nudged him and stood up, offering his hand to Hanbin.

**“What if the doctors come out? And I’m not here?”**

**“They will find us and inform us as soon as possible okay? You don’t want to greet Jinhwan all bloody right? He’ll be sad seeing you like this also.. You’re scaring the children just by crouching here all bloody.”**

Hanbin sighed and took the older’s offered hand. Jiwon was right. He can’t let Jinhwan see him like this.

After they had a full meal, Hanbin washed and scrubbed himself clean – scrubbing until his skin turned pink. Visions of nurses looking for him started filling his head so he quickly finished up and dressed. Jiwon however intervened when he was about to go. **“But-“**

**“You need sleep Hanbin. It won’t do us any good if you haven’t rested yet. I’ll keep watch okay? I’ll wake you up as soon as I hear anything.”**

Hanbin slowly nodded. He backed away, too tired to argue. He knew everything Jiwon is saying is true. He lied down on the bed and his world turned black as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

**"Let's break up."**

Hanbin didnt look up from reading his book. **"Hmm.."**

**"Hanbin. I'm serious. Lets break up."**

**"I'm only talking to you if you talk to me seriously."** Hanbin flipped a page and continued reading as if he heard nothing.

Jinhwan huffed. **"But I am serious!!!"**

Hanbin closed the book loudly, causing the older to slightly jump. He turned to Jinhwan. **"Okay. Tell me one good reason for this said break up."**

**"Because... because.. we are simply not compatible!!" **

**"Then my answer is No."**

Jinhwan stared at Hanbin flabbergasted. **"What do you mean no? I want to break up!"**

Hanbin sighed. **"Break ups are consensual you know? So my answer is no."**

**"You're being unfair!!"** The older cried out in frustration. He started to panic when he saw his young lover stand up and was noe approaching him. How was he supposed to do this if he's near??

Hanbin sat on the edge of the bed and intertwined their hands together. He held it up. **"You see this? I told you before that should you choose me, I'll hold your hand and never let go."**

**"But-"**

**"I know there's something you're not telling me. Whatever it is, I will wait until your ready. If my colors dont lie, you must know I can see right through your words. If you cant say it to me properly, then you can ask someone else." **Hanbin gently smiled.

Jinhwan's jaw was slightly shaking, on the verge of crying. His tears threatening to fall any minute now. He looked down and whispered **"But you'll only end up getting hurt. Being with me will only hurt you."**

Hanbin kissed the back of Jinhwan's hand. **"Just as you chose me, I chose you. I am choosing you. It's always going to be you. I'm sorry but you're stuck with me Baby."**

**"I dont deserve you Binnie."** Jinhwan's tears started falling and his sobs getting louder.

**"Come here."** Hanbin held out his arms and Jinhwan immediately snuggled into the embrace, his cries muffled by the youngers chest. **"We'll be okay."**

**"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."**

Hanbin held his lover tight as he restrained the tears that were about to fall. **"Sshh.. It'll be alright."**

* * *

Four days later, Hayi called him to her office.

He hovered outside her office torn between wanting to run away and wanting to break the door down. He was no fool. He was expecting this.. just not that soon.

Hanbin entered Hayi’s office and felt the suffocation. His heart sank even more when he noticed Donghyuk was also present in the room. _‘This can’t be good.’_

Hayi gestured for him to sit down before breathing deep. She pressed a small remote on her table and an MRI brain scan became visible behind her. **“This is a scan of a normal brain activity. This was Jinhwan’s 20 years ago.**” Her thumb hovered over the button, hesitant to click again but what choice do they have?

She clicked again and another scan appeared right beside the first one. The scan looks unhealthy and 90% covered in black spots. **“This is Jinhwan’s scan taken 2 days ago.”**

She held her head down as silence greeted her.

**“How long?”** Hanbin asked.

One of the perks of being a doctor is that they could help people get better. The wonderful feeling of being thanked for their efforts is something no money can buy.. but the course never prepares them for the sickening feeling of breaking a bad news to a person especially if that said person is close to them. So when Hayi heard the dreadful question, the words got stuck on her throat. 

**“Hayi…”** When Hayi just looked at Hanbin with a heart-rending expression, he turned to Donghyuk. **“Dong-ah… how long?”**

**“Hyung..”** Donghyuk started playing with his fingers, a habit Hanbin noticed he does when he’s avoiding something.

**“Please. I need to know.”**

**“Maximum is a month…”** Donghyuk’s reply was flat. The next few words was said in a whisper but to Hanbin it was the loudest words he has heard in a long time. **“Maybe even less.”**

Hanbin was suddenly clutching his chest as his lungs somehow stopped working. He wanted to claw out his throat so that he could breathe. Donghyuk was instantly beside him and was about to call a nurse when Hanbin shook his head.

His heart began pounding fast and his body started to be consumed by fear – of dying? Of losing Jinhwan? He couldn’t tell the difference. He hugged his shaking body as tears flowed one after another. He’s been holding everything in for Jinhwan.. Wanting to be strong for his beloved. He can’t let Jinhwan see him breakdown. All the regrets and sadness flowing into what seems like an endless river as his gut-wrenching sobs echoed in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We should treasure even the smallest happiness, as you'll never know when will be the next" -Kim Hanbin
> 
> CC : http://curiouscat.me/iKONStan07  
Twitter : @fairyheart0207


	10. Pitch Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

**"Bin?"**

Hanbin looked up from his poetry book to see Jinhwan’s outstretched hand. He quickly stood and held it. **"I’m here."**

Jinhwan weakly smiled. **"I know. _*cough*_ Do you think it’s possible to take a walk in the garden today?"**

Hanbin bit back his response. He had strict instructions to be careful with Jinhwan’s health. **"You know the doctors won’t allow that Baby. Your health-"**

**"Please? I feel better today and I want to get some fresh air."**

**"If anything happens-"**

Jinhwan lifted their hands to his lips and kissed it. **"Just this once Baby.. hm?"**

Hanbin released a breath and kissed Jinhwan’s forehead. **"I can never win with you. Let me find Dong and terrorize him for a 15 min walk yeah?"**

A few minutes later Hanbin came back. **"I got us 15 mins!! But only if I wrap you with thick clothes and blanket."** Jinhwan giggled and nodded. Hanbin took hold of his lover’s arms and encircled it on his neck, and carefully carried him bridal style to transfer to a wheel chair.

Hanbin held back his tears. Jinhwan felt so light in his arms.. the bags beneath his eyes seemed darker and he grew thinner with bones prominent on some parts of his body. It was hard trying to put on a smile while seeing the person that you love grow weaker. It was heartbreaking to see everyday.

He carefully laid him on the chair and fixed the blankets on the older. When he was satisfied with his work, he gave Jinhwan a boop on the nose which earned him a smile before wheeling out to the garden.

Jinhwan seemed to breathe deeply at every chance he could do, the fresh air filling his lungs. This made him happy - it may also be the last time.

They stopped at a small gazebo surrounded by blooming dahlias. _'Hanbin’s favorite.'_ Jinhwan smiled proudly. He had specifically requested they put it on the garden and Hanbin was thrilled when Jinhwan showed it to him the first time.

**"You ok baby?"** Hanbin rubbed Jinhwan’s arms as the sunset air was getting chilly.

**"Mhm. Thank you Hanbinnie. I know it’s been hard on you." **

_‘Here goes._’ Hanbin wasn’t ready for this. He won’t be ever ready so he tries to change the subject every chance he could whenever it came up -- THE talk. But something told him today is just different. He crouched in front of Jinhwan and held his hands. **"Hey don’t think that way. Isn’t it natural to want to make your lover happy?"**

**"But you’re not happy. You’re hurting. I’m hurting you."** Jinhwan bit his shaky lips.

Hanbin kissed his lovers hand before placing it in his heart. **"You feel that?"** Jinhwan nodded as he felt the younger’s steady strong heartbeat. **"You make me so happy it hurts. And you’re the only one who can make my heart beat like this. The only one who can make me go crazy by just being you. It seems my fairy didn’t even notice the spell he has on me hm?"** Hanbin smiled.

The heat rushed to Jinhwan’s cheeks as he smiled back. **"I love you so much Bin."**

**"I love you too Baby but we have to go back soon. I see a fuming Donghyuk waving hysterically at us."** Hanbin motioned to an indeed upset Donghyuk and both broke into fits of giggle.

* * *

Recommended to play the song ** '****어떻게** **이별까지** **사랑하겠어****, ****널** **사랑하는** **거지****(How can I love the heartbreak, you`re the one I love)' by AKMU **in the background.

* * *

Hanbin stared at Jinhwan’s sleeping form. His fragile fairy. He thought. It turns out that the damage in Jinhwan’s brain is what’s making him see and feel auras that as it progresses, the more vivid and clearer the colors became. What a fucked up compensation for such a beautiful gift.

When Jinhwan’s eyes started to flutter open, Hanbin's body suddenly became alert. 

**“Baby??”**

**"Hey hey.. I’m here."** Hanbin replied.

**"I'm cold. Lay beside me?" **

Hanbin carefully laid himself beside Jinhwan and the older nuzzled his face to Hanbin’s chest. **"Warm. My Warm Bin." **Jinhwan happily sighed.

**"I’m not going away.. I’ll warm you." **Hanbin gently caressed Jinhwan's arms and back.

They both fell into a comfortable silence for a while before Jinhwan’s weak voice interrupted it. **"Hey can I ask you for a favor? And this is going to be a selfish request."** Hanbin nodded, not trusting his voice. **"When the time comes.. Don’t forget us okay? Don’t forget me..."**

**"I won’t. This is our story. I will always remember everything about you." **

**"And should you fall in love again..."** Hanbin was already shaking his head vigorously but Jinhwan continued **"should you find someone to *cough cough* love after me, don’t resist it ok? You have my permission.”**

Hanbin still shook his head and cradled Jinhwan. **“Sshh don’t say anymore. Just rest. I’ll just be here.”**

**“Binnie?”**

**“Yes?”**

Jinhwan looked up and extended his hand in the air. This was it. Hanbin knew.

Hayi had told him in advance – Jinhwan will go blind on his last days. He took Jinhwan’s suspended hand and placed it on his cheek, tears silently flowing from his eyes. **“Oh Baby… don’t cry**.” The older fought a sniffle and wiped Hanbin’s tears.

Hanbin just nuzzled into Jinhwan’s hand some more, his teeth clenched and brows furrowed as hes trying to stop the sob that’s on his throat.

**“Binnie, in our next life lets _*cough*_ find each other again okay?” **

The younger nodded. **“Mhm. Just like when I came here and found you, I’ll find you again in our next life. And the next life after that and the next. I promise I will find you.”**

Jinhwan weakly smiled. **“Thank you.. for bringing color.. to my life. I love you… the most, my… golden.. boy.”** The latter part came as a whisper and his hand dropped heavily unto the bed.

**“Baby? Hey..”** Hanbin gently shook Jinhwan. **“Jin? Heyy… No. Baby please wake up.”** Hanbin had his eyes shut as he continued to caress Jinhwan’s lifeless body.

**“Jinhwan… C’mon Babe. This isn’t funny okay? Please…”** He continued his plea hoping for a different outcome, hoping to hear that sweet soft voice he loves but instead was met with cold silence.

Jiwon and the others were breathless watching from the door. They rushed as soon as soon as they heard the nurses calling for Donghyuk. What greeted them rooted them on their feet.

Hanbin rocked his lover’s body gently. **“Don’t leave me.. you can’t leave me yet. Baby c’mon… we still have a lot to do. I still have so much to say. Please...”**

Donghyuk signaled Jiwon to take care of Hanbin as they will try to resuscitate Jinhwan. As expected, Hanbin refused to move. His hold on Jinhwan getting firmer but careful not to crush the small body beside him. **“NO!”**

**“Hanbin-“** Jiwon’s hand was swatted forcefully but he was stronger as he pulled Hanbin’s body to him and away from the bed as the nurses took Jinhwan’s.

**"1,2,3.. CLEAR!"**

Nothing.

**"AGAIN! 1,2,3.. CLEAR!"**

Still nothing.

**"AGAIN."**

**"Doc-"**

**"I SAID AGAIN! 1,2,3.. CLEAR!"** Donghyuk clenched his hands as it remained a flat line. **"GODDAMN IT!"** Donghyuk tried and by god he did. He tried so hard that the nurses had to stop him. He had to try to and save his friend. His tears staining the sheets as all hope left him. The nurses looked to him, waiting. He had to call it in. He lifted his gaze at Hanbin, greatly feeling sorry for the man, before glancing at the clock. **“Time of death…”**

**“JINHWAN PLEASE! NO HYUNG PLEASE… JINHWAN NEEDS ME.. JIN.. GOD PLEASE. JINHWANNNNN.. JINHWANNNNNNN!”** Hanbin struggled against Jiwon’s strong grip, reaching out his hand, continuously screaming for Jinhwan’s name.

Jiwon held him tighter, his own tears betraying him.

**“Jinhwan….”** Hanbin’s strength left him as he could only hold unto Jiwon for support. **“God please.. if you’re there.. if you hear me… please..” **His vision blurred by the rush of tears flowing. His loud bawling resonating in the room - hunched shoulders shaking violently as continued to mutter the name he holds dear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The word happiness is too vague but I hope you find life worth living everyday” - Kim Hanbin, MMA 2018
> 
> CC : http://curiouscat.me/iKONStan07  
Twitter : @fairyheart0207


	11. Thank you, I'm sorry, I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Main characters do not belong to me. Events, incidents or even names are all products of my imagination.

* * *

**_“Do you think this is okay?”_ ** _ Jinhwan played with his fingers as he paced back and forth. _

_Hanbin chuckled and went to engulf his lover into his warm embrace. **"Baby please stop fretting. This is perfect. She will love this."**_

_Jinhwan buried his face on Hanbin’s chest. **"You really think so?"**_

** _"I know so."_ ** _ He slightly pulled back and it made the older look up. He gently caressed Jinhwan’s face, **"I love you Mr. Kim."**_

** _"And I love you"_ ** _ Jinhwan was on his toes as met Hanbin’s awaiting warm lips, two tiny golden band on their ring finger glowed under the moonlight._

* * *

* * *

_A loud knock made Hanbin look up from his writing. He smiled as he saw Jiwon come inside but soon his smile froze. Following Jiwon was a woman who looked exactly like his lover. Who was she? Why does she look like Jinhwan? Is Jinhwan playing matchmaker? _

_Jinhwan however gasped and held out his arms upon seeing her. He had the brightest smile that day and it made the somewhat depressing mood lighten up. The woman smiled and quickly went to his side and gave him a hug. Soft sobs filled the room and Jinhwan tried to soothe the woman. **“Heyy.. It’s okay. It’s okay.”**_

_When she finally pulled away, Jinhwan wiped the tears on her face and softly pinched her cheeks. _

_Hanbin was a little surprised. He doesn’t really know how to react. Should he feel jealous? Who was this woman? He had to calm himself down or else his feelings will start to radiate off his body making Jinhwan feel it too. He stood up which gained the attention of both Jinhwan and the woman. **“I’ll leave you two to talk.”** He slightly bowed and gave them a smile._

_He was about to leave when he felt Jinhwan’s weak grip on his arm.. **“Stay.. I want you to meet someone.”** Hanbin gulped. If Jinhwan planned to introduce him to someone who he thinks could replace him, Hanbin swears he’s going to wring Jinhwan’s neck later. Jinhwan only chuckled at the unreadable expression Hanbin was making. _

_Jinhwan held Hanbin’s hand on his left while he held the woman’s to his right**. “Binnie, I want you to meet a very special woman in my life. The only woman that will ever matter to me.”** He looked to his right and tightened his grip. **“This is S. My Noona, Seiyeon. Noona this is Hanbin..”** He looked to the left to a nervous Hanbin, **"The love of my life.”**_

** _“S? The one who’s been sending you letters?” _ ** _Hanbin asked and Jinhwan nodded. Hanbin immediately was bowing at a 90 degree angle which startled Seiyeon. **“I’m so sorry. All this time I thought you were Jinhwan’s past lover and I've been acting jealous. God I’m so stupid.”**_

_Jinhwans laughter echoed in the room and soon both Seiyeon and Hanbin joined in. After a few minutes, they all calmed down. Jinhwandeeply sighed and had on a very satisfied smile**. “Oh what a good laugh.”** He gripped both their hands tighter and pulled it close to his heart. **“I’m happy my family is here.”**_

_Seiyeon had an inkling why Jinhwan had wanted to meet. And her heart sank when she received his letter. A part of her was happy that finally she was getting to see her brother and yet a larger part of her knew the end is near. _

_Seiyeon sadly smiled and locked eyes with Hanbin. She felt broken to be honest but this is enough. If Jinhwan is happy, this is more than enough. She held out her hand to Hanbin and gave him a smile only he could understand then said **“Family.”**_

_Hanbin stared at Seiyeon’s hand. Was this her way of letting him know that she considers him as family? He was unsure if he deserves it but with Jinhwan’s assuring grip on his hand and Seiyeon’s warm smile, he shakily accepted the offered hand and held it tightly. **“Family.”**_

* * *

* * *

_Jiwon softly knocked and Jinhwan looked up. “**What’s that?”**_

_Jinhwan held a finger as he went back to writing. As soon as he was done, he held the paper away from him to admire his work. He proudly smiled before folding it and placing it in an envelope. “**Favor?”**_

_**“You want me to give this to him when..-“** Jiwon’s sentence hung in the air._

_Jinhwan nodded. “**I wouldn't be able to finish telling him what I want to say without tearing up."**_

_As Jiwon took the envelope, Donghyuk poked his head inside the room and called for Jiwon.** "Don't forget date night Baby! Laters JInJin-hyung!" **Dong waved a hand and continued on with his rounds._

_**"Oh." **Jinhwan had a surprised look on his face as Jiwon blushed.** "Since when?"**_

_ **"Sometime after New Years. After seeing what you and Hanbin have, I thought maybe I could have that too."** _

_ **"And what exactly did you see?"** _

_Jiwon looked into Jinhwan's curious eyes and gave him a warm smile.** "True Love."**_

* * *

* * *

_Hanbin was staring outside Hayi’s window. The sunset looked disgustingly happy. A few months ago, Hanbin was able to see colors again. Hayi along with the other doctors diagnosed and confirmed his colorblindness was due to lack of light and stress. _

_He should be happy. He should. But he’s not. He can’t._

_He'd gladly trade all the colors in the world... just to have Jinhwan back._

** _"Hanbin this is it."_ **

_He sighed, still staring at the sunset. **"I’ll be moving my things to his room."**_

_Hayi looked at him confused. **"But... there isn’t any reason for you to stay?"**_

** _"Don’t tell me to just go and forget. Please. I can’t."_ **

_The doctor could only nod. They all felt Jinhwan’s death... but more deeply for Hanbin. There are no words to bring him comfort and she wished there was._

** _"This was his home and he..."_ ** _ Hanbin paused before turning to Hayi. **"And he was my home."**_

* * *

* * *

**"Jinhwan..."** He woke with his pillow wet from his tears. He looked down at his warm hand and smiled. He looked sideways and saw a very worried face. **"Ahh why is there a frown on my sweet daughters face?"**

Siti held his hand and wiped his tears. **"You whispered Papa's name. Were you dreaming about him?"**

It seemed not long ago when Hanbin and Jinhwan adopted the little 7 year old girl Siti, now 40 years old. They had carefully talked about it over and over until finally they decided. It was supposed to be a birthday gift for the little Siti, but alas time was not on Jinhwan’s side. Hanbin will never forget the day he told Siti. He was met with a mixture of sadness and happiness. He held back his tears as he sat with the little girl and carefully explained to her how they were so happy to adopt her and be a family. But how does he explain Jinhwan’s death? He was surprised when Siti suddenly held his hand and told him that she knows Jinhwan is in heaven and that it’ll be okay. He hugged her small frame and both shared a good cry that day.

He stroked Siti’s face and she leaned to his hand. **"Your Papa would be so proud of the woman you’ve… become. And I am too. We love you so much Siti." **He weakly said.

The fast beeping sound of the heart monitor machine forced Siti to look away from Hanbin. She stared at the monitor so hard wishing Hanbin hadn’t made her promise that one thing: _“Don’t revive me. Promise me that Siti”_. Being a doctor herself, she knew what it meant. It was a dying wish she couldn’t refuse him nor object. 

**“Dad I-“ **The second she took her eyes off the monitor, she felt a hard punch to her stomach as she heard that dreaded sound -- the flat constant sound invading the room, leaving Siti motionless. Nurses flooded the room asking for help here and there. They were about to take out the defibrillator when Siti firmly said **“Do not revive.”**

**“But Doc” **One of the nurses spoke.

**“I have the paper right here.”** Siti stared blankly at Hanbin’s body as she held out the signed legal papers to the nurses, who was shockingly looking back and forth to each other. **“Just.. please let me say goodbye.” **

They gave her sympathetic looks before excusing themselves and leaving her be.

She carefully fixed Hanbin's grey hair, smoothing it as neatly as she could, when she noticed the small smile on his face. She smiled a little knowing that Hanbin's passing was a peaceful and painless one. It still amazes her how he managed it all - from being a single father, to a Monster Producer and to being the President of CIS. He never remarried, never taking off his gold band, and just dedicated his life to his work and family.

It wasn't all sunshine and happy days for him either. She would sometimes find Hanbin blankly staring at the lake from morning until night with a forlorn expression on his face - this was usually on the month of Jinhwan's death anniversary. So one day, as she was assisting him back to his room, she had the courage to ask Hanbin how he manages to get through the bad days. He paused and took a letter out of his chest pocket with a sad smile on his face and told her that if he had it, it was enough. It was all he needed.

Remembering how Hanbin lived the rest of his life with no regrets was more than enough to make their precious daughter break down and mourn for his loss.

An hour after when she was all calm and collected, she was informed that they have to take his body away now.

**“Dr. Kim, what shall we do with this?”** a nurse picked up a paper from the floor.

Sit eyed the all too familiar tear-stained letter the nurse held up. It was the letter that bought comfort to Hanbin's lonely heart, a letter he always kept by his side. She took it and gave it one last read before folding it neatly and gently placing it in between Hanbin’s hand. **“Till death do you part Papa and Daddy.”** She bit back her tears as she shakily pulled the white sheet over Hanbin’s face. It’s never easy saying goodbye to a loved one.

As they wheeled him out, Siti turned to look outside, refusing to watch. And just like that she saw it. In the clear blue sky -- the most vivid rainbow she has ever seen in her life and somehow...somehow she felt at ease because somewhere deep in her heart, she knew her parents are together now and that it'll all be alright.

She sadly smiled and bowed. **“Until then.”**

* * *

* * *

_I’m not very good with words my Hanbinnie but I hope this poem tells it all._

** _ COLORS OF YOU _ **

** _BLACK_ ** _\- I wish I could have seen you one last time._

** _ORANGE_ ** _\- If I could I would take all your pain away. The last thing I wanted to do is hurt you._

** _PINK_ ** _\- I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you._

** _RED_ ** _\- There are no words to explain _ _❤_

** _GREEN_ ** _\- I didn’t know you were the jealous type but I don’t blame you.. Even I want you all for myself._

_**TURQUOISE** \- I wanted to run back and hug you tight that day. I wish I did._

** _PURPLE_ ** _\- Our first kiss, a kiss on the forehead as you held me to sleep -- my favorite kind of kiss._

** _GOLD_ ** _\- Your warm light always feel like HOME to me._

** _YELLOW_ ** _\- I never told you this but I think I fell in love with you first._

** _BLUE_ ** _\- And then there was you._

_Thank you for being my first, my one and only and my last. Thank you for letting me love you._

_I’m sorry for leaving first and the pain I have caused you. I’m sorry.. for everything._

_And lastly, I love you the most, my golden Boy._

_Until our next life…_

_Your Fairy,_

_Jinhwan_

* * *

* * *

* * *

"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine."  
_\-- Maya Angelou_

* * *

He reached a hand out to the sky and sighed. He chuckled as he played hide and seek with the rays of the sun when a dark shadow suddenly invaded his vision, offering a hand to help him up.** “You’re going to go blind if you stare at the sun too long, you know.”** He heard him say.

He squinted his eyes but took the offered hand nevertheless. He dusted off his pants and stared at the beaming boy with glasses across from him. **“I was just relaxing.”**

**“Relaxing? Under the sun? You’re an odd one!”**

He shrugged his shoulders. **“It feels nice. Like home.”**

**“I see. Well if you’re hanging around here then that must mean you’re a trainee in that building too.”** The boy with glass pointed at YJ building behind him. 

He followed the boys finger and shyly nodded.

**"Awesome!" **The young boy held out his hand.** "I’m Kim Hanbin! You?”**

He stared at the other boys offered hand before hesitantly shaking it.He gave the boy a small smile before replying** “I’m Kim Jinhwan.”**

Hanbin beamed and pulled Jinhwan to his side. **“Then from now on let’s be friends Jinani!”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I have absolutely no regrets.” -Kim Hanbin
> 
> As Colors of You have come to an end, I would like to thank each and everyone of my readers. This is my first time writing a BinHwan ship and I am happy that it received a lot of love. Thank you for being with me in this roller coaster story. I hope I will see you again!
> 
> Until then, FairyHeart0207 


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